My name is Kathleen (Katie) and I live in the North East of England. I am Mam of three grown children and two grandchildren. I have Lipoedema, osteoarthritis, severe hypermobility, fibromyalgia, I’m a chronic asthmatic and I also suffer from depression.
I remember as a teenager looking back at my first experience of Lipoedema – what I never realised, then, was that it was a chronic genetic condition and my legs were the same as my Mam’s legs. To me, my Mam was perfect – I saw no fault, but she did get awful stares, along with cruel and nasty comments like, ‘Ha, ha, kebab legs’, and, ‘Oh my god, if I had legs like that I’d kill myself’.
As one of eight siblings, we all felt the heartache my Mam endured every time someone would do this. I always had a very small waist-to-hip ratio (WHtR) and large calves; I noticed this even as a UK size 10. My knees to me always looked just ‘not right’. As time went on, and as I was expecting my first child, I gained over 10 stone in weight during pregnancy. I lost weight afterwards but my hip-waist ratio increased in circumference and my thighs were looking different, especially in surface texture.
I’d wear shorter skirts to go out and would notice a remarkable difference in size and shape compared to my friends. So, as time went on, I did yo-yo diets and my body shape and the appearance of my skin from below the waist down kept changing in both the appearance and ratio. I fell pregnant with my second child and the weight gain was once more out of control. After I had my second child I worked extremely hard to get weight off – changing looks continuously.
Five year later I had my third child, with same weight gain, horrific despite continued exercise throughout my pregnancy. Once I’d had my last child, my body shape was never the same. I thought I had severe cellulite, and I hated my body; being one of eight siblings and the only large sibling was very unpleasant.
I was very unhappy and struggling to control my asthma my health became poorer at the age of 25 onwards. I became less active became because of the pain, and I just kept on accumulating larger hips, thighs and calves. My health kept declining, along with my mood. Then came a turning point during the first lockdown in 2020 – at the age of 47, when I read an article that popped up on my news feed with images attached that looked like the bottom half of my body. While seeing the doctor because of my pain and water retention to my lower limbs, I asked her about Lipoedema and she looked at my legs and responded that I had it without doubt. This was a defining moment and a very emotional time. Now I realised that the shape and size of my legs was not just my fault, but Lipoedema.
However, my mobility was virtually non-existent and I was in chronic pain. This is the moment I found the sea again. I’d seen a post where my sisters were swimming in the sea. I’d commented, ‘I’m jealous’. My sister phoned, saying ‘Come with us’. I replied, ‘No way, I can’t manage to get dressed and undressed or walk onto the beach – I have two crutches for a start.’ But after a lot to-ing and fro-ing, I decided that enough is enough and that if I didn’t at least try it, I would soon become bedridden and totally immobile.
So, I got myself prepared. I wore long leggings and a swimming costume plus control briefs to try and look at least a little shaped. I barely managed to get into the water; it was agonising trying to get mobile. Once in the sea came the pain-free release over mind and chronic pain. It was such a momentous moment and feeling. It felt like I was a child on Christmas day.
I used words like ‘amazing’, ‘exhilarating’ and ‘fantastic’ to describe my time in the sea. The next hurdle came when, out of the sea, trying to change into dry clothes, I fell and struggled to change. I was so emotional and felt embarrassed. I started just going home in my wet clothes as it was too humiliating to show my legs. My sisters begged me to ditch the leggings. I compromised and with that moved to wearing shorts, but it made no difference – I still struggled massively, continuing to travel home wet. With much continued persuasion, I finally took the step and just wore a costume. Again, still struggling, so still I travelled home wet. The next step was the moment I went into a bikini top and shorts. It was becoming easier to change, being able to just ditch the shorts and wear a bikini. I did it though with complete anxiety and shame. So my sister took a photo and sent it to me, saying ‘Share it’. In the end, I agreed to crop my body off the photo from the waist down, but at the last minute I was dared into being brave and share my full-bodied photo.
Oh my, I was blown away by how accepting and amazingly supportive people were. The journey starts again! A new chapter. What I thought would be negative reinforcement became empowering positivity. I had 7.7k likes and over 2.5k beautiful comments, only two that were demeaning. These were irrelevant and from this moment I felt like I’d lifted a lead weight from my shoulders.
My mobility is still very poor, but it is improving all the time. I smile, I laugh, I engage with others, which I never did before. I wear a bikini for most swims to raise awareness surrounding Lipoedema and other debilitating conditions. I am proud of me – I can’t pretend that I don’t still dislike my appearance, but I do now embrace it.
Get in the water. Feel the freedom and enjoy your life. I hope that sharing my story helps you in some way and am thankful for the opportunity to share it.
